don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
