I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
