were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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