Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
