I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
