I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
