Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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