I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
