ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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