guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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