Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
