what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
