eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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