If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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