If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
