Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Send help, water and tortillas.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize