grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
