party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
