You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
