Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
