i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize