i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
