I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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