I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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