My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
