I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
