if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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