She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
