I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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