i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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