I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
