You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
