id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
