Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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