i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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