Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have feelings that need drinking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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