last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
