Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
