At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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