Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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