Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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