tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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