So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
