I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
