I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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