dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
