Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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