his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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