I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize