So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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