i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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