I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
