I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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