wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
