I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
