38 yer olds are good kisserssss
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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