Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
