i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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