We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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