We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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