I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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