This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
