I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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