Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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