I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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