He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
