I cannot find my penis.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
