I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
