mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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