That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
