i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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