So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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