Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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